


The Ashleigh one

by Scetcher6



Category: Mallow Falls
Genre: Angst, Ashleigh Angst, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, body issues, self decapitating Ashleigh, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29690958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scetcher6/pseuds/Scetcher6
Summary: Ashleigh angst BrrrrrrrrrRRRrrrRRRRRrRrrrrrRrrrrrr
Relationships: Ashleigh Hearts/Jewel Saka (implied)





	The Ashleigh one

**Author's Note:**

> Can you guess the character?
> 
> Also yeah this is a vent ig, feel kinda beter after writing this tho

You know there's days when she can get by, even be happy, proud of herself her accomplishments. And then there are days when she can't even tell whether she deserves the food going down her throat.

Some days it gets hard to breath, nothing like a panic attack no. She's seen Jewel get enough of those to know she hasn't experienced that. Still...

Sometimes she can't tell whether the world she lives in is real. Right now is one of those moments. She closes her eyes but instead of relief from the light she feels her head get dizzy, nit like vertigo but more like she's on a disc that is swiveling and won't stop spinning.

She opens her eyes and finds herself alone. No Jewel. No one.

Not that it matters.

She can't be that clingy. She totally doesn't want to spend the day with him, not alone. Still she checks her phone in an act of desperation hoping to see a text from someone. 

Nothing

She checks the group chat set up by her friends, friends she doesn't deserve. As she looks down she feels the skin on her neck double over into a double chin. It's almost as if at this moment the world want's to point out everything about her that she hates. Still she knows that this is a sign. She's getting chubby. No one likes being chubby.

Her hand slowly travels down to her stomach feeling how softly it is.

She hates it.

She knows compared to some she fould be considered average yet compared to others she knows she's unhealthy fat. 

She bites back tears. She's not crying. She won't cry. People with problems cry, people who are insecure cry, people who feel bad cry, people who are selfish cry. She's not selfish, she swears she isn't.

She quietly notes to herself she needs to eat less. Probably only eat less than jewel does and try to eat only one meal a day to stay healthy. She's still eating two meals a day and she can see how that has helped so eating less is the key. She should excersise too but there is no chance for that at the moment, with all that is going on in her life so all she can do to get healthier and smaller is to eat less.

Her hand tugs at the fat on her neck still.

Her mother's words still ring in her ear. "When I was your age I wasn't even 75 pounds." "When I was 20 I was barely 110 pounds." "I only got fat now because I had you." "If it wasn't for childbirth or drinking I would still be skinny, that's why I'm so fat now."

She takes a deep breath, looking through the group chat hoping someone mentions her. 

She's so clingy. 

She really hates herself today.

Turning off her phone she closes her eyes, the uneasy spinning feeling coming back. She opens her eyes just to see the cieling again.

Since when did she become such a selfish, stupid, lazy, self centered person.

She tries to pinpoint the exact moments in time but she can't quite grasp when. All she knows is that at some point in the last few months she started to notice her faults. She always knew that she had faults, everyone has them. But just these last few months she's noticed that she has no excuses for hers. 

Other people have reasons for their faults, or their still learning about life. But her, she has no reason. She's just bad. And she hates it. Might be because of her upbringing as being a "model child" even with her mother's... reputation, she doesn't know. She's always expected the best out of herself. 

She's not doing her best at the moment.

If she was someone would have noticed. Someone would have said something. And not some fake crap like those mom's said at school, something more like when her teacher's told her she was doing amazing at class. Like when Mrs. Snowflake told her she was proud of her for doing her best even when she got a B- in biology.

But no one has said anything. And that's on her. It's her fault for feeling bad, and it's her fault for not being good enough for anyone to notice. And if she's not good enough for that then she's not good enough for anyone.

She looks at the door.

Sometimes she thinks about leaving, she doesn't where to. It's not like she has anywhere or anyone to go to. But sometimes she wonders if it would be better for everyone if she just left. Yet everytime she tries to leave she sees a glimpse of blue and she stops.

She's not exactly sure she knows why, but at the moment she's content to sit on the couch now designated as her couch (her couch she remembers) and wait for Jewel to make it back home. 

**Author's Note:**

> About 800 words woo
> 
> Not as much as I'd like but E
> 
> It'xas a vent anyway so it doesn't really matter.


End file.
